I mean, I've seen the world
I've been around
I could tell you stories
That would quite astound you
I'm not a fool!
I went to school!
I've been from Liverpool to Istanbul, Istanbul.
I'm no fool!
And anyone will tell you
That I'm sharper than a knife,
But I've never seen anything like it in my life!
Well, I've never seen anything like it!
Never seen anything like it!
I've never seen anything like it in my life!

I thought I'd seen every wonder in the world
I've seen the Coliseum in Rome
And the Acropolis.
I've made the biggest blunder in the world
Because I've never seen anything quite like this!

I mean, I know the game.
I've seen them all.
I could tell you stories
That would quite enthral you!
I know me job
Pleasing the mob!
I give 'em what they want for just two bob!
Just two bob.
Well, that's my job.
But this is so fantastic,
I can't wait to tell the wife!
Gertie!
What?
You've never seen anything like it in your life.
You've never seen anything like it.
I've never seen anything like it.
You've never seen anything like it in your life!

I thought I'd seen every wonder in the world
I've seen the Coliseum in Rome
And the Acropolis.
I've made the biggest blunder in the world
Because I've never seen anything quite like this!

I'm down to earth
I'll tell you straight
I could tell you stories
That would fascinate you!
I know the trade
I know the tricks
I once bought an elephant for two pounds six
Two pounds six!
Taught it tricks!
But for your pushmi-pullyu, I'd pay
Three pounds!
Four pounds!
FIVE!
'Cause I've never seen anything like it that's alive!

Well, I've never seen anything like it!
Never seen anything like it!
I've never seen anything like it
In all... my... life!