Some say the end is near
Some say we'll see Armageddon soon
I certainly hope we will
I sure could use a vacation from this bull-shit
Three ring circus, side-show of freaks
Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away
Any fucking time, any fucking day
Learn to swim, see you down in Arizona Bay

Fret for your figure and
Fret for your latte and
Fret for your lawsuit and
Fret for your hair-piece and
Fret for your prozac and
Fret for your pilot and
Fret for your contract and
Fret for your car

It's a bull-shit, three-ring, circus, side-show of freaks
Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away
Any fucking time, any fucking day
Learn to swim, see you down in Arizona Bay

Some say a comet will fall from the sky
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves
Followed by fault lines that can not sit still
Followed by millions of dumb-founded dipshits

And some say the end is near
Some say we'll see Armageddon soon
I certainly hope we will
I sure could use a vacation from this
Stupid shit, silly shit, stupid shit

One great big festering neon distraction
I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied
Learn to swim

Mom's gonna fix it all soon
Mom's coming round to put it back the way it oughta be

(Learn to swim)
Fuck L. Ron Hubbard and fuck all his clones
Fuck all these gun toting, hip-gangster wannabies

(Learn to swim)
Fuck retro anything, fuck your tattoos
Fuck all you junkies and fuck your short memory

(Learn to swim)
Fuck smiley glad-hands with hidden agendas
Fuck these dysfunctional, insecure actresses
(Learn to swim)

I'm praying for rain and
I'm praying for tidal waves
I wanna see the ground give way
I wanna watch it all go down
Mom please flush it all away
I wanna see it go right in and down
I wanna watch it go right in
Watch you flush it all away

Time to bring it down again
Don't just call me pessimist
Try and read between the lines
I can't imagine why you wouldn't welcome any change, my friend
I wanna see it come down
Plug it down, suck it down, flush it down!