[Spoken:] OH! Hot, Hot damnit! Y'all pissing me off auent ya!
Now ya gone dunit! EVERYBODY'S GETTING SOCKS FOR CHRISTMAS!
123 GO!

This isn’t the same old Christmas story
There’s no bb guns or egg shaped plants
The mistletoe is hung way too low
And I think we gave too much eggnog to gramps

Everybody’s being naughty; the nice list is pretty short
and the elves are passed out drunk on the floor
The Christmas carolers got a face full of snow
as we kicked them in the ass and shut the door

Now I don’t think it’s going to be a happy holiday
cause everything is all screwed up,
and nobody wants to jingle all the way

Everybody’s getting socks for Christmas
Everybody’s getting socks for Christmas
I’d rather have dad come home drunk
to punch me in the junk
Than getting stupid fucking socks for Christmas

All the children need to wash your mouth out with soap
The only words out of their mouth are FUCK!
Grandma she got ran over by a drunk driver
In the Toy’s are Us Truck

Now Santa cant take to the sky
Because all the reindeer got an F.U.I.
And Mrs. Claus knitted so many socks
That she’s jamming tiny needles in her eye

Now everyone wants to take
But no one wants to give
And some kid melted all of Frosty’s snow
And the doctors don’t think he’s gonna live

Everybody’s getting socks for Christmas
Everybody’s getting socks for Christmas
I’d rather get the butterfly effect on VHS
Then get stupid fucking socks for Christmas

HO HO LET'S GO!

Everybody’s getting socks for Christmas
Everybody’s getting socks for Christmas
I’d rather wreck the halls till the whole place falls
Than get some socks, Some stupid fucking socks
NOBODY WANTS SOCK FOR CHRISTMAS!