(one nun at a time)
She climbs a tree
And scrapes her knee

Her dress has got a tear

She waltzs on her way to mass
And whistles on the stair

And underneath her wimple
She has curlers in her hair!

I've even heard her singing in the abbey

She's always late for chappe,

But her penitence is real

She's always late for everything

Except for every meal

I hate to have to say it but I very firmly feel

(all together)
Maria's not an asset to the abbey

(one nun)
I'd like to say a word in her behalf:
Maria makes me laugh

(all nuns laugh)

(all nuns)
How do you solve a problem like maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?

(one nun at a time)
A flibbertigibbet?

A will of a whisp

a clown

Many a thing you know you'd like tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand

But how do you make her stay?
And listen to all you say

how do you keep a wave upon the sand?

Oh how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moon beam in your hand?

When I'm with her
I'm confused
Out of focus
And bemused
And I never know exactly where I am

(one nun at a time)
Unpredictable as weather

She's as flighty as a feather

She's a darling

She's a demon

She's a lamb

She'd out pester any pest
Drive a hornet from its nest

She can throw a twirling dervish out of whirl

She is gentle
She is wild

She's a riddle
She's a child

She's a headache

She's an angel

She's a girl!!

(all at once)
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?

A flibbertajjibet
A will of a wisp
A clown

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay?
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
Oh how do you solve a problem like maria?
How do you hold a moon beam in your hand?