Spoken
Children, this is a song about the ugliest girl in the world
She is our Fan Club President in Afghanistan
An' she's kinda ugly, real ugly, now listen closely everybody
An' you can see how beautiful ugliness is

She's got big green eyes all over her face
She's got a-long red ears all over the place
She's got a big fat nose, and I don't know what to do with it, honey
Those teeth hangin' down, they look like money

Spoken
You know, you can tell we love her can't you
Let's have a little harmony from the other voices ...
My baby ... so ugly, you can imagine, her mother didn't like her either
Listen everybody, not everbody can have an ugly girl
Any idiot can have a pretty girl
Let's have some more pretty singin' gentlemen

She's got a-thin legs an' they're, er, also, er, thighs
They're a-walkin' baby all the night
Her feet are large, they're extra size
An' baby, er, they idolise but don't you know I want her so
Oh, I still love that girl ... hit it

Spoken
She's about the ugliest girl, here she comes
Listen to her stamp like a thousand elephants
Like ten million jet planes whenever she talks
She's my special, extra special
Groovy jet-age supersonic monster baby-child
Oh she's so nice
We're leavin' you now
We're gonna fade away
We're gonna fade away ...
Buy our next record, it's even groovier than this one, ha
We're goin' to fade away
Fade away ...