I met this bloke who looked like a goth
But soon found out that he was not
He was a genuine count from Transylvannia
He said, "Marry me, that's where I'll take ya"

To a ruined castle on top of a cliff
Where the air's so cold it would freeze your tits
And there he taught me how to fly
Two lovers together in a purple sky

And we had bats for dinner and bats for tea
Bats for him and bats for me
A big fat rat for Sunday roast
For breakfast, we had bats on toast

And when the cooking became a chore
We'd just chop them up and eat them raw
Or open a window facing south
And let them fly straight in our mouths

Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for tea

The neighbours didn't like us much
They seemed to bear some sort of a grudge
Attacked the castle with flaming torches
Burned the stables and stole the Porsches

Then the local vicar, a miserable tart
Stuck a wooden stake through my boyfriend's heart
I escaped but I'm alone again
In a one-room flat in Sydenham

And there's no bats for dinner, no bats for tea
No bats from the caves or the belfry
It's peas and cabbage for Sunday roast
Or if I'm lucky, beans on toast

And when the cooking becomes a chore
I just chop them up and eat them raw
And think about of how things used to be
When there was just my count and me

There's no fairytale castles in the sky
But the room's so cold, it would make you cry
And still sometimes at night I fly
Over London's dark grey sky

And think of him in another world
And hope he's waiting for his girl
One day, united we will be
Together forever for eternity

And there'll be bats for dinner and bats for tea
Bats for him and bats for me
A big fat rat for Sunday roast
For breakfast we'll have bats on toast

And when the cooking became a chore
We'd just chop them up and eat them raw
Or open a window facing south
And let them fly straight in our mouths

Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for tea (you'll surely die)
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for tea (you'll surely die)
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for dinner, bats for tea
Bats for tea