Well, I'm a lonesome schoolboy
and I just came into town
Yeah, I'm a lonesome schoolboy
and I just came into town
Well, I heard so much about London
I decided to check it out

Well, I wait in Leicester Square
where the guy never looks in my eyes
Yeah, I'm leaning on Nelsons Column
but all I do is talk to the lime

Oh, where can I get my cock sucked
where can I get my arse fucked
I aint got no money,
but I know where to put it every time

Well I asked a young policeman
if he'd only lock me up for the night
Well, I've had pigs in the farmyard
- some of them, some of them are alright
Well, he fucked me with his truncheon
and his helmet was way too tight