Pharrell Williams:
I'm 41, but look like I'm 8
32 pounds is how much I weigh
My hat's so big, you can see it from space
And this song's so overplayed it will drive you insane

(Cue awful dancing)
Clap along if you love watching people who can't dance
(My style is tacky)
I look like Smokey the Bear in this ridiculous brown hat!
(This song's so crappy)
That it's used by the Army to torture people in Iraq
(I'm so unhappy)
But you'd never know because I just did a shit ton of crack.

I really owe Daft Punk and Robin Thicke
'Cause without them I'd be irrelevant
(Yeah)

Daft Punk:
You need to polish our dicks until they both shine
(Yeah)

Robin Thicke:
But before that let's snort some blurred lines

All:
We're way too happy

Pharrell:
Clap along if you're high and you just wanna clap

All:
We're way too happy

Pharrell:
The only way to stand this song is to take ecstasy and do smack
(Happy, happy, happy)
Apparently saying the same word 90 times guarantees a smash
(Happy, happy, happy)

Businessman:
Holy shit, I love happiness
Please take all of my hard-earned cash!
I'm shaking now
Did so much speed
Have to make sure that I stay happy!
So, I can brainwash humanity
With this dumb song and then
Sell more CDs!

Prozac Attorney:
Stop, I'm here to sue Pharrell
I'm a Prozac attorney
The whole world's happy because of this goddamn song
And our drug sales are tanking

Style Police:
Freeze, Style Police
Pharrell, you're under arrest for that fugly-ass brown headpiece

Pharrell:
But it's trendy!

Style Police:
It's way too big for your head
You look like an ad for Arby's!

Doctor:
Guys, stop arguing
Pharrell, I got your tests back and found out why your hat looks so big
You are shrinking
That is also why your voice sounds like a prepubescent kid

Pharrell:
What are you saying?

Doctor:
According to this chart
You have ten more seconds to live!

Pharrell:
Doc, please help me!

Doctor:
There's nothing that can be done
Say goodbye to your fake happiness

Style Police:
Thank God, that horrible song is over!
Now, will someone please get in here and burn that fucking hat?