ARTIE
Hey, Gillis! We'd give you up.
Let me take your coat
Jesus, Joe, what's this made of? Mink?
Who did you borrow this from? Adolphe Menjou?
JOE
Close, but no cigar.
Hey! It's quite a crowd
ARTIE
I invited all the kids doing walk-ons in "Samson and Delilah".
BETTY
Where have you been hiding? I called your apartment.
I called your ex-agent. I was about to call the Bureau of Missing Persons.
JOE
Well, they always know where to find me.
RICHARD A
Hey, Sammy!
You gotta say your New Year's resolution out loud
Jean!
JEAN
By this time next year
I'll have landed a juicy part
STEVE
Nineteen fifty will be my start
RICHARD T
No more carrying spears
MARY
I'll be discovered
My life won't ever be the same
Billy Wilder will know my name
And he'll call all the time
KATHERINE
'Til he does, can one of you guys lend her a dime?
ALISA
Just an apartment
With no roaches and no dry rot
ANITA
Where the hot water comes out hot
BOTH
That's my Hollywood dream
RICHARD A
Your resolution
JOANNA
Is to write something that gets shot
With approximately the plot
I first had in my head
MYRON
But you'll get rewritten even after you're dead
RICHARD A
Artie!
ARTIE
It's the year to begin a new life
Buy a place somewhere quiet, somewhere pretty
When you have a young kid and a wife
Then you need somewhere green, far from the city
It's a rambling old house with a big apple tree
With a swing for the kid and a hammock for me
SAMMY
Behold, my children
It is I, Cecil B. DeMille
Meeting me must be quite a thrill
ADAM
But there's no need to kneel
SAMMY
I guarantee you
Every girl in my chorus line
Is a genuine Philistine
SANDY
They don't come off the shelf
SAMMY
I flew every one in from Philistia myself
BETTY
I have some good news
It's "Blind Windows"
JOE
You don't let go
BETTY
I gave Sheldrake an outline, Joe
And he swallowed the bait
JOE
Well, hallelujah!
BETTY
While you've been buying vicuna coats
I've been making a lot of notes
Now there's work we should do...
JOE
Betty, you're forgetting that I gave it to you
You remind me of me long ago
Off the bus, full of ignorant ambition
Thought I'd waltz into some studio
And achieve overnight recognition
I've seen too many optimists sinking like stones
Felt them suck all the marrow clean out of my bones
BETTY
I love "Blind Windows"
But I can't write it on my own
Can't we speak on the telephone?
All my evenings are free
ARTIE
Hey, just a minute
I'm the fellow who bought the ring
BETTY
Artie, this is a business thing
It's important to me
You'll be on location in Clinch, Tennessee
Please make this your New Year's resolution for me
ALL
By this time next year
I will get my foot in the door
Next year I know I'm going to score
An amazing success
Cut to the moment
When they open the envelope
Pass the statuette to Bob Hope
And it's my name you hear
We'll be down on our knees
Outside Grauman's Chinese
Palm prints there on the street
Immortality's neat!
This time next year
This time next year
We'll have nothing to fear
Contracts all signed
Three-picture deal
Yellow brick road career
Hope we're not still saying these things
This time next year
JOE
You know, I think I will be available in the New Year. In fact, I'm available right now.
BETTY
Joe, that's great!
JOE
Hey, Artie, where's your phone?
ARTIE
Under the bar.
JOE
Hey, Artie. You think you could put me up for a couple of weeks?
ARTIE
It just so happens we've got a vacancy on the couch.
JOE
I'll take it.
MAX
Yes?
JOE
Max, it's Mr. Gillis. I want you to do me a favour.
MAX
I'm sorry, Mr. Gillis. I can't talk right now.
JOE
Listen, I want you to take my old suitcases...
MAX
I'm sorry, I am attending to Madame.
JOE
What do you mean?
MAX
Madame found the razor in your room. And she's cut her wrists.
ALL
Three, two, one, Happy New Year!
Should auld acquiantance be forgot
And never brought to mind
Should auld acquiantance be forgot
And days of auld lang syne
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
We'll take a cup of kindness yet
For the sake of auld lang syne
