JOE
Hi there, Myron

MYRON
How's it hanging?

JOE
I've got a date with Sheldrake

MYRON
I'm shooting a Western down at Fox

JOE
How can you work with Darryl?

MYRON
We should talk

JOE
Gotta run

BOTH
Let's have lunch

MARY
Hi, Mr. Gillis

JOE
You look great!

MARY
I'm up for an audition

JOE
Sheldrake is driving me insane

MARY
Don't forget me when you're casting

JOE
We should talk

MARY
Gotta run

BOTH
Let's have lunch


JOE MARY
Morning, Joanna Hi there, Myron

JOANNA MYRON
Who are you meeting? You look great

JOE MARY
Sheldrake, but do I need it? I've spent the last month fasting

JOANNA MYRON
I'm handing in my second draft I'm shooting a Western down at Fox

JOE MARY
I'd really love to read it Don't forget me when you're casting

JOANNA MYRON
We should talk We should talk

JOE MARY
Gotta run Gotta run

BOTH BOTH
Let's have lunch Let's have lunch


JOE
Yeah, I have an appointment with Mr. Sheldrake.

JONES
Name?

JOE
Gillis. Joseph Gillis.

JONES
All right, sir, you know your way?

JOE
Yeah.

1ST FINANCEMAN
We want the keys to your car

2ND FINANCEMAN
You're way behind with the payments

1ST FINANCEMAN
Don't give us any fancy footwork...

2ND FINANCEMAN
Give us the keys.

JOE
I only wish I could help
I loaned it to my accountant
He has an important client down in Palm Springs
Felt like shooting the breeze

1ST FINANCEMAN
Are you telling us you walked here?

JOE
I believe in self-denial
I'm in training for the priesthood

2ND FINANCEMAN
O.K., wise guy, three hundred bucks.

1ST FINANCEMAN
Or we're taking the car.

2ND FINANCEMAN
We have a court order.

JOE
I love it when you talk dirty.

SAMMY
Bless you, Joseph

JOE
That you, Sammy?

SAMMY
How do you like my harem?

JOE
How come you get such lousy breaks?

SAMMY
One learns to grin and bear 'em

GIRLS
This is the biggest film ever made.

JOE
What're you playing?

ANITA
Temple virgin

DAWN
Handmaiden to Delilah

JOE
Let's have lunch
Gotta run

You've got to find me a job
I'm way behind with my payments
I thought you were meant to be my agent
I need some work

MORINO
I only wish I could help
This town is dead at the moment
There's been this slowdown in production...

JOE
Who is this jerk?

MORINO
He's my wunderkid from Broadway
Every major studio wants him

YOUNGER MAN
Playing one against the other...

JOE
What I need is three hundred bucks

MORINO
Maybe what you need is a new agent.

JOE
Hello, Artie

ARTIE
Joe, you bastard!

JOE
You never call me any more

ARTIE
Found a cuter dancing partner
How are things?

JOE
Not so great

ARTIE
Will this help?
Twenty bucks?

JOE
Thanks, you're a pal.

ALL
Good morning, Mr. DeMille.

MYRON
Good morning, C.B.

SHELDRAKE
This is Sheldrake
Bring some water
Get me that shithead Nolan

Nolan, sweetheart
Great to talk
This draft is so much brighter
You're the best
Even so
I've hired another writer

SECRETARY
Mr. Gillis.

SHELDRAKE
Joe! What the fuck brings you here?

JOE
You wanted to see me.

SHELDRAKE
I did? What about?

JOE
"Bases Loaded." It's an outline for a baseball picture.

SHELDRAKE
So, pitch.

JOE
It's about a rookie shortstop. He's batting .347.
The kid was once mixed up in a holdup. Now he's trying to go straight.

SHELDRAKE
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I think I have read this.
Somebody, bring in what we've got on...

JOE
"Bases Loaded."

SHELDRAKE
..."Bases Loaded."

JOE
They're pretty hot for it over at Twentieth.

SHELDRAKE
Good!

JOE
But can you see Ty Power as a shortstop?

ENSEMBLE
Let's have lunch

BETTY
Here's that "Bases Loaded" materical, Mr. Sheldrake.
I made a two-page synopsis for you, but I wouldn't bother to read it.

SHELDRAKE
Why not?

BETTY
It's just a rehash of something that wasn't very good to begin with.

SHELDRAKE
Meet Mr. Gillis. He wrote it.

ENSEMBLE
We should talk

SHELDRAKE
This is Miss Kramer.

BETTY
Schaefer. Betty Schaefer. And right now, I'd like to crawl into a hole and pull it in after me.

JOE
If I could be of any help...

BETTY
I'm sorry, Mr. Gillis, I couldn't see the point of it.

JOE
What sort of material do you suggest? James Joyce? Dostoyevsky?

BETTY
I think pictures should at least try to say a little something.

JOE
I see you're one of the message kids.
I expect you'd have turned down "Gone With the Wind".

SHELDRAKE
No, that was me.

ENSEMBLE
Gotta run

BETTY
And I guess I was disappointed.
I've read some of your other work and I thought you had some real talent.

JOE
Yeah, that was last year. This year I felt like eating.

BETTY
Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Gillis.

SHELDRAKE
Thank you, Miss Kramer.
Well, looks like Zanuck's got himself a baseball picture.

ENSEMBLE
We should talk
Gotta run
Let's have lunch

JOE
You've got to give me some work
I'll take whatever's on offer
There must be some shit that needs a rewrite
Throw it my way

SHELDRAKE
I only wish I could help
There's no spare shit at the moment
Remember the greatest writers starved in Garrets
Didn't care about pay

JOE
Are you trying to be funny?

SHELDRAKE
I believe in self-denial
Gives a man some moral backbone

JOE
Can you loan me three hundred bucks?

SHELDRAKE
I'm sorry, Gillis. Good-bye.

JOE
I just love Hollywood.

MYRON
Morning, Joanna CLIFF
Where've you been hiding? SAMMY
Hi there, Lisa MYRON
How're you doing? KATHERINE

I hate this weather CLIFF
You look great LIZ
RKO are O.K.!


MARY
What're you doing? JOANNA
You look great GIRLS
This is the biggest film ever made CLIFF
I'm trying to make my mind up MARY

Guess I was born to play her DAWN
What is my motivation?


JOANNA
You look great SAMMY
They're talking nominations LIZ
You should go work for Warners' MYRON
Is your new script with Sheldrake? MORINO

I'm very close to Sheldrake ARTIE
We shoot next month


SAMMY, SANDY, ARTIE, MORINO, MYRON
Gotta run

JOHN
Let's drive to Vegas this weekend

KATHERINE, JOANNA
Let's have lunch

ANITA
You look great JOANNA
I'm handing in my second draft MARY
It's between me and Dietrich KATHERINE
I've landed a big Broadway show ADAM

I'm gonna work for Metro CLIFF
Let's have lunch MARY
Let's have lunch


GIRLS
Let's have lunch, this is the biggest film ever made MYRON
I'd really love to read it CLIFF
I'd know just how to light you JOHN
Let's have lunch JOHN/LISA

It won't work MORINO
Let's pencil Thursday morning


GROUP 1
We should talk

GROUP 2
Gotta run

CHORUS
Let's have lunch!

Hi, good morning. Aren't we lucky?
Going to work with Cukor
Paramount is paradise
Movies from A to Zukor
We should talk, gotta run

GROUP 1
Let's have lunch

GROUP 2
We should talk

GROUP 1
Gotta run

GROUP 2
Gotta run

ALL
Let's have lunch!
Last Update: December, 24th 2013