Stack up donuts, pack up the pies
Put on the trench coat, rack up the lies
Overcast sky and the pines are swaying
The bird gets the worm so I'm up in the am

Gotta crack a case in a place called Peaks
Where the lights all blink and your outlooks's bleak
Got a lotta caffeine, interrogating teens
The homecoming queen just rolled up on the beach

Wrapped in plastic, white as a sheet
Gave a heart attack to a man name Pete,
Who couldn't make coffee, he offered it kindly,
Tasted like fish can't put it behind me

Back to the hood got a mug of "damn good"
They say something black is in the back woods
Owls in disguise and the boys are in the Book House
Just like elm street know you better look out

Nothing in this world ever could prepare me
Think later on I maybe need some therapy
Talkin to myself, my reflection scares me
If I'm gonna die I'll have pie make it cherry
Cherry, cherry, cherry, cherry.

That's right mother fucker. Word up

This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
Excuse me while I break this rhyme...
(Excuse me while I break this rhyme)

Was it Audrey, oh so tawdry freshly squeezed little tease?
Was the baddie Audrey's daddy busy buying twin peaks?
Was it Leland, his attorney, always straightening his tie?
Was it Norma? She's a killer. I'm still waitin for pie

Was it Jacoby? he's an oldie, used to run with the gangs
Was it Harold Smith? Or was his crime that he's just lame?
Was it Donna the elitist packin peaches for James?
Was it Bobby Briggs? I think it is, keep hearin his name

Was it Leo? He's creepo and his ponytail is evil.
And he got a lot of screen time in the unpopular prequel
This detective got dimished so they could finish with Kieffer
But I saw Kristen Davis naked, she got fish in her beaver

What?

This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
Excuse me while I break this rhyme...
(Excuse me while I break this rhyme)

Name is Cooper. I'm in a stupor
Lying flat in a stained wood room
Usually strapped, but I just got capped
By a man in black or so you would assume

A dude like Lurch says "on with the search
Will you dare to dream like you did in Dune"
So I got three clues and a gun shot wound
And tick bite bruise, but whatcha gonna do?

The breeze in the trees will squeeze out your soul
Like that shit was tartar control
Murder she wrote, nobody wrote back
Gotta bust a ghost with no proton pack.

That's right. I put a Ghostbusters reference in a song about Twin Peaks. Everybody's happy

This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
Excuse me while I break this rhyme...
(Excuse me while I break this rhyme)