I am the chosen one no need to hold a gun
I take you there like a double Decker bus does
I am a Gryffindor stand up to Voldemort
I break it up like it was horcruxes

Loved by the kitchen staff I'm why the Weasleys laugh
Know my way around in fact I memorized marauders map
If you have to ask what it's like and how longs it last
Kinda sorta felt like wearing a flaming sorting hat
Name is Neville I'm a rebel don't worry about detention
Did I fail to mention that my specialties suspension
As in getting lifted I'm a hippy comes to Hogwarts hookups
I'm the kid you look up when you feel like getting shook up
I got cockroach clusters I got them chocolate frogs
I got every flavor made by that babe Bertie Botts
I got what you want I got what you need
I got those wizzy beats so fizzy you say wizard please
I'm summoned with a spell cause pagers are prohibited
You can go to hell if you think my times unlimited
I'll meet you by the willow kid if you prefer the forest
Just bring that goblin gold and don't wake Mrs. Norris

I am the chosen one no need to hold a gun
I take you there like a double Decker bus does
I am a Gryffindor stand up to Voldemort
I break it up like it was horcruxes

They say that I am lacking and I ain't up to snuff
Snapes always on my case cause he secretly sucks
It's hard remembering stuff I think my brain has been wiped
Like I might have seen some shit that would scar you for life
So they think that I'm a fuck up and it's brilliantly clever
So many things I can't remember like where's my toad Trevor
Can I ask for the password I fear I have forgotten
Call me Neville Longbottom I leave every bong rotten
Love treacle, Buckbeak elf eye to Ireland
Meet me at the one eye'd witch or room of requirement
Step back catch a cactus blast of my stinksap
Chill Dumbledore is down in fact he likes a fat sack
If you want a break from the stress and the studies
Holler at you're buddy and I'll make you feel funny
I'm the pudgy pure blood packin unicorn power
Up in the highest tower where I fire up my flowers

[coughing]
"This is stupid guys
This is stupid we're wasting our money
We should be using magic"

I am the chosen one no need to hold a gun
I take you there like a double Decker bus does
I am a Gryffindor stand up to Voldemort
I break it up like it was horcruxes