This song’s about the Tomato Vendetta,
and the tale of a man who let a
Hate for tomatoes cause him strife,
He lost his job, wife, home, car, kids, and life.

He’d go downtown to buy some groceries,
He went because his family was hungry,
He always bought red meat and potatoes
But he wouldn’t touch those ugly tomatoes…

He didn’t know why he hated tomatoes,
They were just as ugly as far as ugly goes,
There in the store, when no-one was watchin’,
He’d set melons on them and laugh at their squashin’.

One night after shopping and on his way home,
His loathing for tomatoes cut to the bone,
He just couldn’t stand the strain any more,
He vowed to destroy the Tomato Horde.

He turned around, and viciously hopin’
The grocery stores would still be open,
His eyes grew cold, for he was a man,
Whose Moment of Truth lay close at hand.

All over town, in every store,
Tomatoes were hurt and spilled on the floor,
Big melons, and turkeys, and large sacks of grits,
Were dumped on their sections to mash them to bits.

At the last store he finished his plan,
But on his way out, a delivery van,
Full of big ripe Tomatoes drove in and hit him,
Tomato Vendetta had claimed its victim.

The incident of the Tomato Vendetta,
Caused a sensation that was something that the
Public could relish, and readily snatch-up,
Popularly known as the t-o-m-a-t-o k-e-t-c-h-u-p….