Step one: Get everyone's attention
A powerful, majestic start
Maybe a battle horn of some kind

Step two: Drums! There has to bed rums
It doesn't hurt if the drums are played by gorgeous, topless, men
It's proven very efficient throughout the years
But, please, feel free to try other alternatives
It's proven very helpful to go the exact opposite way
Use a grandmother!

Step three: Show the viewers your country's ethnic background
By using an old traditional folklore instrument
That no one's heard of before
No, no! In this case it's proven much more efficient
To not use a young model
Go with an old man instead, a beard helps!
This instrument is called the Swedish Kvinnaböske
A small roundish piece from the horn family inherited from the Vikings
Just make something up, no one will know

Step four: In Eurovision, nothing says winner like a violin
Trust us bring a violin

Step five: The violin, the drums, and the Kvinnaböske
Might make it all feel a little bit old-fashioned
But this can easily be fixed by adding a DJ who pretends to scratch
In real life of course, this is thirty years old
But in Eurovision, it will give your number a contemporary feel

Step six: Costumes! You need to look memorable
Something that the viewers will notice
Oh! Perfect!

Step seven: The song, everything else might be important
But the song is essential
Let it be about something that everyone can connect to
Love works
Peace is also a popular way to go
Yes, peace is good
Abba actually won the competition with a song about war, with Waterloo
But this is not something we recommend

Now, when you have everything you need and the pieces gathered
Go for it, and don't look back
Let the song begin with passion
Let the wind begin to blow

You can break the rules on fashion
And your chance to win shall grow
Look into the TV-camera
So the audience can see
That you're lovable not desperate
Smile and they will vote for me

Fill the stage with light
As dancers will join us
The expectations grow
It's time for the chorus

Love, love, peace, peace
Old women breaking bread
Peace, peace, love, love
A man in a hamster wheel

Love, peace, peace, love
Make it unforgettable
And you will be the best
And win the Eurovision Song Contest

Now we'll go down a notch
Our hands will touch
Pretending we're in love

It's you and me and when
We change the key
We'll give the world a show
It begins to snow

Love, love, peace, peace
And a burning fake piano
Peace, peace, love, love
And a Russian man on skates

Love, peace, peace, love
It will be incredible
You will be the best

Love, love, peace, peace
Party for everybody
Peace, peace, love, love
More tricks in the hamster wheel

Love, peace, peace, love
And we can guarantee
That you will be the best
And win the Eurovision Song Contest
And win the Eurovision Song Contest