Oh, all the names and locations have been changed
To protect the innocent, which would be me

Well, I missed class today, slept in a little late
Had too much fun last night
At least I got an "A" on my last test
I drank a case of Keystone Light

Well, that's the beer we drink here
You always get your money's worth
You put your beer goggles on, and they don't wear off
Until you're lovin' the worst

So let's change the subject
Well, how about those grades?
Well, there's an "A" in alcohol
A "B" in beer, "C" is for the night class we live all year
"D" is for drunk, and there ain't no "E"
So "F" is for, for Everclear

The teacher missed class today, slept in a little late
Had too much fun last night
At least she took us up on our last offer
To drink some warm, red wine

She used to be a stripper at the Ol' Red Fox
Down on Highway 69
Well, let me tell you friends, her shirt came off
By the end of the night

Well, let's change the subject
Well, how about those grades?
Well, there's an "A" in alcohol
A "B" in beer, "C" is for Ms. Carter who we love so dear
"D" is for drunk, and there ain't no "E"
So "F" is for, for Everclear

Okay, here's where it gets good
So we missed class today, slept in a little late
Had too much fun last night
Well, I woke up this morning without any warning
Ms. Carter's layin' by my side

Well, I got a full ride all last night
She really knows her Sex Ed
And I learned more with my hands on
Than any book I've ever read

Well, let's change the subject
Well, how about those grades?
There's an "A" in alcohol
A "B" in beer, "C" is for Ms. Carter who's asleep right here
"D" is for drunk, and there ain't no "E"
So "F" is for, for Everclear

That ol' "D" is for drunk, and there ain't no "E"
So "F" is for, for Everclear