Everything your teacher says
Is proved to be a fable
There never was an Arthur
Nor the knights, nor a round table
The lady of the lake
Was just a made up story too
I hate to disappoint you all
But it's not true!
It's not true!

Teacher, though you jibber
You're just a great big fibber
There was no Excalibur
Galahad? No such lad
Lancelot? Lance-not
Guinevere? Dear, oh dear!
Look at me, I'm real enough!
Not true, Merlin! Disappear!
There were no wizards, so it's clear
That it's not true!

While we're on the subject
I'm afraid I must confess
Though Dick Turpin was a highwayman
He never owned Black Bess
And Tutankhamen's tomb
Was never hit by any curse
There never was a dragon slain by George
It gets worse!

Pirates never made their victims
Walk the plank on ships
Sir Walter Raleigh wasn't first
To bring back spuds or chips
Robin Hood and Marian
A made up story too
Outlaws out in Nottingham?
It's not true!
It's not true!

Teach, you're such a liar
Your pants are catching fire
There never was a Friar Tuck
Viking hat? No horn on that
King Alfred's cake? Big mistake
It never fried? The old books lied
Frankly, I deplore ya
I hope these kids ignore ya
'Cause in fact, Queen Victoria
Never said 'We are not amused'

(Your children think I said what?
They think you said 'we are not amused', your Highness
Really? That's quite funny, isn't it?)

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
Ha, ha ha!
It's not true, it's not true!
It's not true, it's not true!
It's not true, it's not true!
It's not true!