Snow is falling, spreading Christmas cheers
Uncle Wally's had one too many beers
Mom and Dad have put aside their strife
She'll bring her new partner, he'll bring his fourth wife

A dysfunctional family Christmas, the craziest time of year
We'll go broke and snort some coke as the holiday grows near
Dysfunctional family Christmas, it's happening everywhere
Visiting all your relatives and pretending that you care

Ho ho ho, hee hee hee, let's go steal us a Christmas tree
Deck the halls, fa la la, here comes my cousin in her Wonder bra (yee ha! )

Dysfunctional family Christmas, traveling through the snow
This year's mine and next year's yours, bored to death 'til it's time to go
Dysfunctional family Christmas, caroling all the way
Take my advice, just try and make nice
It'll soon be another day

Who remembers Jesus anyway?
Buy more crap, give your wife a slap, have a happy holiday!

Dysfunctional family Christmas, it only comes once a year
So suck it up and have another cup of that high-test Christmas cheer