I'll tell you a story that happened to me
One day as I went down to Youghal by the Sea
The sun it was bright and the day it was warm
Says I, "A quiet pint wouldn't do me no harm"

I went in to the barman, I says, "Give me a stout"
Says the barman, "I'm sorry all the beer tis sold out
Try whiskey or vodka, ten years in the wood"
Says I, "I'll try cider, I heard that it's good"

Oh never, oh never, oh never again
If I live to a hundred or a hundred and ten
I fell to the ground and I couldn't get up
After drinking a pint of the Johnny Jump Up

After lowering the third I headed straight for the yard
Where I bumped into Brophy the big civic guard
"Come here to me boy don't you know we're in the law"
Well I upped with my fist and I shattered his jaw

He fell to the ground with his knees crumpled up
For t'wasnt I hit him t'was the johnny jump
And the next thing I met down in Youghal by the Sea
Was a cripple on crutches, and says he to me

"I'm afraid o' me life I'll be hit by a car
Would you help me across to the Railwayman's Bar"
And after three pints of that cider so sweet
He threw down his crutches and he danced on his feet


Oh never, oh never, oh never again
If I live to a hundred or a hundred and ten
Cause I fell to the ground and I couldn't get up
After drinking a pint of the Johnny Jump Up

Now I went up the Lee Road a friend for to see
They call it the Madhouse in Cork by the Lee
But when I got up there, the truth I do to tell
They had the poor bugger locked up in his cell

Says the guard testing him, "Say these words if you can
'Around the rugged rocks the ragged rascal ran'"
"Tell them I'm not crazy, tell them I'm not mad
T'was only six pints of that cider I had"

Now a man died in the Union by the name of McNabb
They washed him and placed him outside on a slab
And after the coroner his measurements did take
His wife took him home to a bloody fine wake

'Twas about twelve o'clock and the beer it was high
The corpse he sat up and he says with a sigh
I can't get to heaven, they won't let me up
'Til I bring them a pint of the Johnny Jump Up

Oh never, oh never, oh never again
If I live to a hundred or a hundred and ten
'Cause I fell to the ground and I couldn't get up
After drinking a pint of the Johnny Jump Up
(2x)