Chorus & Mark:
Penis dimension
Penis dimension
Penis dimension is worrying me
I can't hardly sleep at night
'Cause of penis dimension

Do you worry?
Do you worry a lot?

No!

Do you worry?
Do you worry and moan
That the size of your cock
Is not monstrous enough?

It's your penis dimension
Penis dimension

Mark:
Hi, you friends.
Now just be honest about it.
Did you ever considered the possibility
That your penis, and in the case of
Many dignified ladies that the size of the tities
Themselves might provide elements of
Subconscious tension?
Weird, twisted anxieties that could force
A human being to have to become a politician
A policeman, a Jesuit monk
A rock'n'roll guitar player
A wino. You name it
Or in the case of the ladies, the ones that
Can't afford a silicone beef-up
They'd become writers of hot books!

Howard:
"Manuel, the gardener, placed his burning phallus in her quivering quim..."

Mark:
Yes, or they become Carmelite nuns!

Howard:
"Gonzo, the lead guitar player, placed this mutated member in her slithering slit..."

Mark:
Oh, or racehorse jockeys...
There is no reason why you or your loved one
should suffer. Things are bad enough without
the size of your organ adding even more misery
to the troubles of the world!

Howard:
Right on! Right on!

Mark:
Now, if you are a lady and you got munchkin
tits, you can console yourself with this age
old line from primary school:

M-H:
Anything over a mouthful
is wasted!

Mark:
Yes! And isn't it the truth?
And if you're a guy,
one night you're at a party
And you're trying to be cool
I mean, you aren't even wearing underwear
You being so cool
And somebody hits on you one night
And he looks you up and down and he says, uh

Howard:
Eight inches or less!

Mark:
Well, let me tell you brothers,
that's the time when you got to turn around
and look that sonofabitch right between the eyes
And you got to tell him these words: