[Ratigan:] My friends, we are about to embark on the most
odious, the most evil, the most diabolical scheme
of my illustrious career. A crime to top all crimes,
a crime that will live in infamy!
[Chorus:]
[Ratigan:] Tomorrow evening, our beloved monarch celebrates her
diamond jubilee. And, with the enthusiastic help of
our good friend Mr Flaversham, it promises to be a
night she will never forget. Her last night, and my
first, as supreme ruler of all mousedom!

From the brain that brought you the Big Ben Caper
The head that made headlines in every newspaper
And wondrous things like the Tower Bridge Job
That cunning display that made London a sob

Now comes the real tour de force
Tricky and wicked, of course
My earlier crimes were fine for their times
But now that I'm at it again
An even grimmer plot has been simmering
In my great criminal brain

[Chorus:] Even meaner? You mean it?
Worse than the widows and orphans you drowned?
You're the best of the worst around
Oh, Ratigan
Oh, Ratigan
The rest fall behind
To Ratigan
To Ratigan
The world's greatest criminal mind

[Ratigan:] Thank you, Thank you. But it hasn't all been
champagne and caviar. I've had my share of
adversity, thanks to that miserable second-rate
detective, Basil of Baker Street. For years, that
insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my plans.
I haven't had a moment's peace of mind. But, all
that's in the past! This time, nothing, not even
Basil, can stand in my way! All will bow before
me!

[Chorus:] Oh, Ratigan
Oh, Ratigan
You're tops and that's that
To Ratigan
To Ratigan
[Bartholomew:] To Ratigan, the world's greatest rat

[Ratigan:] What was that? What did you call me?
[Thug 1:] Oh, oh, he didn't mean it, Professor.
[Thug 2:] I-it was just a slip of the tongue.
[Ratigan:] I am NOT A RAT!
[Thug 3:] 'Course you're not. You're a mouse!
[Thug 4:] Yeah, that's right. Right! A mouse.
[Thug 5:] Yeah, a big mouse!
[Ratigan:] SILENCE! Oh, my dear Bartholomew, I'm afraid that
you've gone and upset me. You know what happens
when someone upsets me.

[Bartholomew:] Oh, Ratigan
Oh, Ratigan
You're the tops and that's that
(Oh dear.)
To Ratigan
To Ratigan
To Ratigan, the world's greatest -
[Felicia:] Meow.
[Ratigan:] Oh, Felicia, my precious, my baby. Did Daddy's
little honey bun enjoy her tasty ___?
[Felicia:] Urp.
[Ratigan:] I trust there will be no further interruptions?
And now, as you were singing?

[Chorus:] Even louder
We'll shout it!
No one can doubt what we know you can do
You're more evil than even you
Oh, Ratigan
Oh, Ratigan
You're one of a kind
To Ratigan
To Ratigan
The world's greatest criminal mind