My teeth are breakin I can't afford to fix them
The nerves are stinging and it looks bad then
They bustin to pieces and I spit em in the sink
Exactly like an Anne Murray song about an ice rink
My teeth are sharp but unlike a shark
I sit on my couch and do nothing in the dark
Shark's don't use floss with flippers too short
Piranah's breed, please abort
If there's a question there is an answer
I don't know what it is when I see her, Alaska
Trevor Shand he wrote some words for this beat an he sung them like
This I turned them down flat
Singin some bullshit about a cheerleader what do I care bout that?
A shark and a tooth and a snowbird to spare
Spread your tiny wings and fly away, dental care

All this talk of underwater life it makes me think
About what ahppens to the toothpaste I spit down the sink
I have never considered myself no Jaques Cousteau
Gums are healthy teeth are cracked where does the toothpaste go?

Who's gonna hold my hand when I piss?
Who's gonna put their hand in the stream?
Who's gonna sweep up all the teeth?
Dentist said my mouth was clean
That was a real nice compliment
As I gave him my last cent
He don't know why they be breakin
Glass of calcium I'm takin

Teeth are breakin out
Teeth fallin out on the floor I'm fukin spent
Good thing I got stock in Polydent