Remember when you broke up with your fucking ex?
God, I'm glad you've finally gotten over them
Only took about a hundred million texts
God, I swear that bitch was such a narcissist

Everybody knows I love you so
So, so, so much
'Cause every time they ask, I always tell
Tell, tell, tell them

That's my fucking best friend, that's my fucking right hand
That's my fucking throw up in the bathroom, but still love them
That's my fucking best friend, best friend
That's my fucking best friend, best friend
That's my fucking lifeline, that's my ride or die lik?
That's my fucking hate you, but you know that that's a damn lie
Baby, you're my b?st friend, best friend
Baby, you're my best friend, best friend
Baby, you're my—

(Ooh)
Baby, you're my—

Made a promise that I'm gonna marry you
If we're both still single by, like, thirty-two
And that shit is gonna end up being true
'Cause I hate, like, everyone except for you
Who else is gonna grocery shop with me at 2 AM?
Who else will take that picture for you just to get revenge?
You're just as psycho as me, just as sick inside the head
So when they ask, I've always said

That's my fucking best friend, that's my fucking right hand
That's my fucking throw up in the bathroom, but still love them
That's my fucking best friend, best friend
That's my fucking best friend, best friend
That's my fucking lifeline, that's my ride or die like
That's my fucking hate you, but you know that that's a damn lie
Baby, you're my best friend, best friend
Baby, you're my best friend, best friend
Baby, you're my—

(Ooh)
Baby, you're my—

(Ooh)
(Why do you keep calling me? You're kidding)
(What? Who? Are you kidding? )
(Oh my God, oh my, no, no, no don't respond)
(Don't respond, don't respond)
Baby, you're my—
(Yeah I'll be there in ten minutes)