Here on this tropic isle
It's our job to make you smile
'Til you're on trial, then we get mean!

You look like a guilty gill
On eight counts of Go-Gurt spill
You're here 'til everything's clean
(This is fun, right?)

But you're on the beach
With Toadsworth and Mama Peach
(Mama Peach?)
What a joy to be condemned
By a corrupt judicial system (Objection!)

Have a backpack with a hose
Get some caca on your nose
And there's a spike right by your head
(That was just a prototype!)

'Twas a game, one might infer
About a tropical janitor
But they cast Mario instead, hmm

Oh yes, the concept is foolproof
We'll sell a billion, oh yes!
'Cause that's what all children long for
Cleaning up someone else's mess

So now our hero's a felon
Rolling a big watermelon, gah

The folks here need Shine Sprites
To make the island shine bright
But they all hoard them and blame you
(Why, why, why?)

The water jetpack's genius
But this game gets tedious
They tried to make Mario new (Ew)

Yeah, some parts are fun
But it's not my number one
Sure, some games seem like pure gold
If you play 'em when you're four years old

The voice of Bowser sounds rather
Like Cookie Monster's drunk brother
Hey guys!

It's not bad as sequels go
But it's a third-rate Mario
Off-brand and improperly paced

While it's not my favorite game
You can love it just the same
Perhaps that love isn't misplaced
'Cause after all
There's no accounting for taste!