Don’t you know me? I’m your paperboy.
Throwing bundles of newspaper joy,
This neighborhood’s a loony bin
I’d rather throw the news in compton
If you live here, you’re probably crazy
Lock your dog up, stop that baby!

I’m on duty, it’s all about discipline
Please don’t strike me with that rolling pin
I sometimes miss when I throw
Sorry I broke your window
Can’t maneuver on a drainage ditch
Cars don’t stop here, they’ll just hit a bitch

Can’t stop riding, it’s just what I do
My bike pedals are glazed with superglue
I’m on my bike, perpetually
I lay in bed, bike lays with me
On this side street, rules are strict and tight
New subscribers, paint your house white
I have nightmares, shaking at the wheel
Then I wake up and do it for real

Now faulty aim may occur, sorry
I threw the paper at a car and killed your father
Now it’s sunday, I am done, I’m out
Fuck these nutbags, fuck this paper route
I’m gonna get a job at wal-mart.