What if the Earthbound
Had
Lyrics?

Here we go!
Gather 'round, let's play Earthbound
A game that's sure to please
It's a sequel to some Mother game
That's all in Japanese

One night a glowing meteor
Comes down from outer space!
It's a kid named Ness, and wouldn't ya guess?
He's gonna save the human race

So he gives his mom a kiss
And with a family like this
It's no wonder that he goes it alone
No-oh!

I mean his little baby sis
She runs a courier service
And yes, his father is a telephone
(You're stepping on my cord, son)

This title shines
It's sharp and funny, yet creepy
With wacky lines
Like, "Poo needs water for PP"

But hey, that's Earthbound
That's why we love it, though
If you don't like it
Feel free to shove it

Ness has a quest to fix the things
That are wrong with Americans
Like religious weirdos, mindless zombies
And illegal aliens
Oh-oh!

A psychic girl, a science nerd
And a ninja join the crew
Taming animals by hitting them
'Cause that's what heroes do!

It's a crazy universe
Where a rookie front-desk nurse
Can re-animate your slaughtered friends
Oh-oh!

Where you buy some farm-fresh eggs
And in five minutes they've got legs
Because now they're frickin' full-grown hens!
Yeah! Sing it chickens!

Bawk bawk bawk bawk
Bawk bawk bawk bawky bawk bawk bawk!
Bawk bawk bawk bawk
Bawk bawk bawk bawky bawk bawk bawk!

And that is Earthbound
That's why we love it, so
If you don't like it
Feel free to shove it

It's goofy but I don't mind 'cause it's the
Kind of a great adventure you might find
In the heart
Of a child
Going wild!

Let's hit the ATM!
(Money money money money)
I've got like eighty grand in the bank
(Money money)
'Cause my dad's never home,
He's a phone sending cash to say sorry
(Sorry, I'm a phone)

We could've bought some stock.
(Bought some stock, bought some stock)
Or fed a third world country
(Save the children, save the children)
But we're kids
So we choose to get stuff we can use to fight robots
Is that cool or what?
(Boing)

They fight through winter snows
And lands of leisure
They get two things from foes
Nightmares and seizures!

So now they're forced to grind
Fights last forever
Reach level 99
The end is nigh
(Boing)

Have a cup of coffee
Suddenly it's trippy
Telephone your mother
This is just another
Average boy-meets-girl
Boy-meets-boy-meets-boy
Boy-becomes-a-robot story

Yeah, spoiler alert

Four robotic friends hold fast
Traveling into the past
They meet the source of evil there
And best him through the power of prayer!

Kinda rips off Final Fantasy IV
But Earthbound's still a game that we adore!
That we adore
Key change, mofo!

This game is strange
But it has charming and smart jokes
And it has range
Including two or three fart jokes

And that's my Earthbound
That's why I love it, so
If you don't like it
Feel free to shove it

Come on everybody!
Say, "Fuzzy pickles!"

You know what I love?
Earthbound