What if Contra had lyrics?
Motherfucker!

Oh my god I fell into a jungle and it's scary

Gotta run (gotta run, gotta get)
Red letters with wings (they can fly, they are letters and can fly)
They're full of weapons and things
(Laser gun, flamethrower, marshmallow gun?)
"S" is what I shall use (Spread gun, spread gun, motherfucker!)
"R" just makes me confused (It stands for rarely helpful)

I shoot tomatoes
In all directions, fuckers
But I still need some
Added protection!

This game is as hard as I am for Björk
(Fuck yeah, dress up like a swan baby)
Harder than Jimmy Buffett is for margaritas (Woo-hoo!)
No, I don't wanna play
It's too hard and I feel like a dork
One hit? That's it? Bull shit!
This code gives you thirty lives
Thanks, Wikipedia!

Two up, two down, left, right, left, right, B, A (Start!)
Two up, two down, left, right, left, right, B, A (Start!)
Two up, two down, left, right, left, right, B, A (Start!)
That is the code, help me sing it again, y'all
Two up, two down, left, right, left, right, B, A (Start!)
Two up, two down, left, right, left, right, B, A (Start!)
Two up, two down, left, right, left, right, B, A (Start!)
That is the Konami Code!

And now I've got a good chance
To do a victory dance
I gotta shoot at these angry defensive linemen
Ratta-tatta-banga, take a bullet in your danga-langa
Bam!

Back to the chorus, un, deux, trois!

Two up, two down, left, right, left, right, B, A (Start!)
Two up, two down, left, right, left, right, B, A (Start!)
Two up, two down, left, right, left, right, B, A (Start!)
That is the code, help me sing it again, y'all
Two up, two down, left, right, left, right, B, A (Start!)
Two up, two down, left, right, left, right, B, A (Start!)
Two up, two down, left, right, left, right, B, A (Start!)
That is the Konami Code!

I had to cheat
But I finally beat
Contra!
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Shit!