I work down at The Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm five foot three and overweight
I'm a sci: fi fanatic mild asthmatic
Never been to second base
But there's a whole 'nother me
That you need to see
Go check out MySpace

'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm six foot five and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I'm a black belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way chat
With two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
I'm so much cooler online

I get home I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac
In real life the only time
I've ever even been to L.A.
Was when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade •• But online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I got a set of six-pack abs that would blow your mind
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way chat
With two women at one time • I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online

When you've got my kind of stats
It's hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot
and lose a bunch of weight
Every time I log in

Online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm six foot five and I look damn good
Even on a slow day I can have a three-way chat
With two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online