Santa, where's your old red suit
Santa, where's your beard
Santa where did your belly go?
This sure is getting weird
Why do you have the diamond stud
Shining in your nose
Why did you go and get so buffed
Wearin' designer clothes

It's just not right
It's breakin' nature's laws
Nobody wants a tripped-out, trendy, flipped-out Funky Santa
What a sight to see
Lookin' fine at Christmas time
And funky as he wants to be

Santa where's your reindeer gone
Why you drivin' that SUV
Is there something wrong with you
Or is there something wrong with me
I know you've got to express yourself
You've got the right to change
But a Santa with his hair dyed black
Tell me that ain't strange

It's just not right
It's breakin' nature's laws
Nobody wants
A freaky, trashy, flashy, funky Santa
What a sight to see
Lookin' fine at Christmas time
And funky as he wants to be

But Santa he just smiles and says
Wait a minute please
There's just one man who puts the presents
Underneath the trees
So make your list, I'll check it twice, like I always do
I'm still the same old man inside, but outside I'm keepin' it new

It's just not right
It's breakin' nature's law
Nobody wants
A punked-out, in-crowd, pop star, funky Santa
What a sight to see
Lookin' fine at Christmas time
As funky as he wants to be