I met a homeless man named rich (he wasn't)
Isn't that terrible?
I saw a flyer for a lost dog
And the dog didn't have any legs
I saw a diabetic kid trick or treating
I saw a giraffe who had a short neck
That was sad or a deer

I saw an old man get hit by a train
He didn't see it in the pouring rain
He didn't hear me shout, "look out for the train!"
'Cause I didn't say anything
I just thought to myself, "oh this is gonna be sad."
And it was, I'm a genius

I saw a man with only one eye in a 3d movie
I saw a little boy drop his ice cream
Cone directly on his mother's corpse
I saw a kitten stuck in a tree then
The kitten jumped off and he hung itself
I saw a boy who had red hair

I went to a store looking for something to buy
But they only sold paintings of the same sad guy
No, wait-this store sells mirrors
See what I did there?

Let's rock
No
The world's so sad, bros
Pain, genocide, war, sexism, racism
But I gotta remember there's good things about it too
Like the fact that none of that's happening to me, score!
Still though it's hard not to be sad about it
How do y'all do it?
I've been telling you, guys, terribly sad
Things this whole song. You haven't been sad at all

You've been
You've been happy, no,
You've been laughing
That's it, laughter, it's the key to everything
It's the way to solve all the sadness in the world
I mean, not for the people that are actually sad
But for the people like us who've gotta
Fucking deal with 'em all the time
Being a comedian isn't being an insensitive
Prick capitalizing on the most animalistic
Impulses of the public, it's being a hero!
The world isn't sad. The world's funny! I'm a sociopath!

I saw an old man slip and fall-hey, what a fucking idiot
I saw a woman at her daughter's funeral-ha ha ha! Classic comedy!
Everything that once was sad is somehow funny now
The holocaust and 9/11?
That shit's funny 24/7
'Cause tragedy will be exclusively joked about,
Because my empathy is bumming me out
Goodbye, sadness! Hello, jokes.