My friends were having a party
I felt something strange was starting
It was much too late to start

I drank so much Jagermeister
I told the coffee table that I liked her
Take her in my arms

We played croquet on the lawn
Nobody had any clothes on
Except for the motorcycle helmets

And after the sun did rise
It was taken by surprise
I was burned out beyond belief

I had to pick myself off the floor
My mother was at the door
Selling Watchtower magazines

I couldn't believe it was true
And Mom, I thought you were a Jew
Why are you selling Watchtower magazines?

After she came in
She stepped in a bowl of Ramen
Wiped it on some guy's face

I must have been on God's shit list
My mom was a Jehovah's Witness
Had to buy subscriptions just to make her leave

I had to pick myself off the floor
My mother was at the door
Selling Watchtower magazines

Her prayers were much too frequent
After all that shock treatment
Now she's selling Watchtower magazines