An Englishman In New York

Demented New York athletes staggering 'round the block
Deformed Chicanos pour in, Chicago's rolling stock
Digital bathrooms drilling for furs
Surgical stockings marked his and hers
Guggenheim attitudes back to back with Jewish Baroque
No way street, no way street, no way street
Happy to see you, have a nice day

Defecting Russian dancers dance into Hockney prints
Exclusive to Bloomingdales, gift-wrapped in red from the land of blue rinse
They boggle at menus in Olde English verse
"Ode to burger" by Keats at his worst
The hissing of omelettes, the breaking of legs
Don't shoot 'till you see the whites of their eggs
The pink fillet mignon looks black on the negs
Strange apparatus, you've never seen
Strange apparatus, even stranger theme
Street alligators, big Anglophile will navigate us through a change of style
I came, I saw, what manner of beast is this?
New York, you talk a little bit left of centre
A scream, a shout
New York is throwing it's weight around
Walk tall, walk straight, spit the world right in the eye
The stronger the wood, the straighter the arrow
Dismembered hopeful My-Lai veterans queuing for sleaze
"Sorry no dogs, no fags, no shriners and no amputees"
Sexual athlete applies for audition
Willing to make it in any position
Just one of the extras with blood on their faces
In snow-white and the seven basket cases
I'm happy and dopey and dirty in places

No way street, no way street, no way street
Lock up your daughters, Avon crawling
Devoted collectors of paraphernalia out walking the rock
Battle and bitch for the ultimate kitsch of a crucifix clock
Two miniature romans, running on rails appear every hour and bang in the nails
I've got to have it, Christ, I gotta be the first on our block
Disturbing facts about Nazi splinter groups seen on the news
They're picketing synagogues and claiming that Hitler was King of the Jews
Caught in the tunnel, an ambulance howls
A men's room attendant is flapping his jowls
Ssshh, Howard Johnson is moving his bowels

Strange apparatus, you've never seen
Strange apparatus, even stranger theme
Street alligators, big Anglophile will navigate us through a change of style
Strange apparatus, you've never seen
Strange apparatus, even stranger theme
Walk talk, walk straight, spit the world right in the eye
The stronger the wood, the straighter the arrow
No way street, no way street, no way street, no way street
No way street, no way street, no way street, no way street